1. Are you an innie or an outie?

Innie.

2. Have you ever worn bell-bottoms?

Yes. For a speech in 10th grade Communications, I did a speech on “How to Protest.” I made my own bell-bottoms complete with incendiary mottos like “Make Love, Not War!” My truly rebellious stage began 2 years later during Bush the Elder’s war on Iraq…another story for another day.

3. Have you ever written a song?

No. Mostly just some really teen-angsty poetry.

4. Can you make change for a dollar right now?

Nope. I rarely can. I never carry cash (which is how I save money) and if I have a penny, it’s in our giant “Make This Giant Money Sucking Wedding a Reality” jar in the kitchen.

5. Have you ever been in the opposite sex's public toilet?

Yes. Usually on a dare. But I’ve never used them. I have this thing about not using public restrooms…male or female.

6. Have you ever smelled your own feet?

Yep.

7. Do you like ketchup on or beside your French fries?

Beside. I’m a dipper.

8. Can you touch your tongue to your nose?

No. But I can roll it. I know that is not the question, but I didn’t want to seem somehow inferior.

9. Have you ever been a boy/girl scout?

Yes, and my mom was my Brownie leader. One year and I was out. It wasn’t quite what I expected and I didn’t enjoy it much. But I still have that damned motto/song in my head, “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other’s gold.”

10. Have you ever broken a mirror?

Not that I remember. Like I need bad luck or bad karma in my life.

11. Have you ever put your tongue on a frozen pole?

No. I’ve seen what happens to kids who do that…I was scarred by “A Christmas Story.”

12. What is your biggest pet peeve?

One? Only one? Crap. Um…currently police officers at my department who think they’re cute by putting half rolls of toilet paper and half bottles of Diet Coke in the non-perishables and sundries collection box I started at the department for area senior citizens.

13. Do you slurp your drink after it's gone?

No. And Stephen gets the major stink eye when he does it. It’s one of my pet peeves. Rude, rude, rude!

14. Have you ever blown bubbles in your milk?

No.

15. Would you rather eat a Big Mac or a Whopper?

Neither. I’m partial to Burger King’s fish sandwiches, though. Made my way, of course (extra pickle, add cheese, no lettuce)

16. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?

No. God, I’ve led a sheltered life.

17. When you are at the grocery store, do you ask for paper or plastic?

Plastic usually, unless we’re at Wild Oats (Fresh Fields, for you folks on the East Coast), then it’s paper.

18. True or False: You would rather eat steak than pizza.

Depends. If it’s Chicago style pizza? Then hell no on the steak. Somewhere like Papa John’s or Dominos or Snappy Tomato? Bring on the beef.

19. Did you have a baby blanket?

I did. I also had a “hugging pillow” with my name on it. In fact, I still sleep with it. It looks every bit of 30 years old, too.

20. Have you ever tried to cut your own hair?

Yes. I’ve had some serious bang tragedies, including one in a hotel room in NYC right before I was to meet The Ex-Chris for dinner. The horror!

21. Have you ever sleepwalked?

No.

22. Have you ever had a birthday party at McDonalds?

No.

23. Can you flip your eyelids up?

No.

24. Are you double jointed?

No.

25. If you could be any age, what age would you be?

Interesting question….if I knew then, what I know now? Hell, I’d still manage to screw shit up, so I’ll just go with the age I am. But I sure would like to hold at 29. Turning 30 did not thrill me, folks.

26. Have you ever gotten gum stuck in your hair?

No. My Gran was militant about us spitting out our gum anywhere near bedtime and if we were “playing” with it (stretching it around our fingers, etc), she’d make us spit it out. Apparently, she’d had to endure a really horrific hair cut b/c of some errant gum as a child. Obviously, it scarred her, poor thing.

27. Have you ever thrown-up after a roller coaster ride?

No. However, I did break a rib on The Racers at King’s Island. Yeah, I’m grace personified.

28. What is your dream car?

A late 80’s SAAB? Man, my dream cars, dream weddings, dream parties all seem rooted in the 80’s. Currently, my dream car would be one that’s a tad bigger than my Accent (b/c it seems to like to maim Stephen with his 6’2” frame) and one that’s paid for (car payments are a bitch).

29. What is your favorite cartoon of all time?

I love the Droopy cartoon where he’s a Home Steader and fighting against the Sheriff. That shit cracks me up…”It’s the Law of the West” and the giant inflated cow and the moving of the peepholes so Droopy can see and….man, I’ve GOT to get a life.

30. Would you go swimming in shallow waters where, one year earlier, a shark had attacked a child?

More than likely.

32. Have you ever eaten a dog biscuit?

No. And I was horrified beyond words when an officer in my bureau ate one in our office to, and I quote, “gear up for the day.” He lasted 6 LONG weeks in my office before I lobbied to get him kicked back to street patrol. Freak.

33. If you were in a car sinking in a lake, what would you do first?

Scream like the girl I am. Then try to remember all those special reports on news shows that tell you what to do. I really want to buy one of those glass breaking hammer thingies for just such an event. I’m not kidding.

34. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?

Yes, several times. None of which I care to discuss or dwell on. Almost always accompanying someone else.

35. Can you pick something up with your toes?

Yes.

36. How many remote controls do you have in your house?

One for the cable, one for the DVD, one for the TV and one for the VCR in the living room. One for the TV in the bedroom. All of which seem to be “missing” when I go to look for them.

37. Have you ever fallen asleep in school?

Yes. Isn’t that what math and science classes are for?

38. How many times have you flown in an airplane in the last year?

Several…with the aid of serious dosages of Ativan. We flew from Louisville to Cincy (I know I live 10 minutes from the Cincinnati airport, but it’s cheaper to fly out of Louisville), from Cincy to Portland, Oregon and then from Portland to Cincinnati. I was hysterical from Louisville to Cincy, until the Ativan kicked in at the Cincy airport. Then I was a zombie and much nicer to travel with, according to Stephen. I’ve also recently flown from Cincinnati to Atlanta then Atlanta to St. Thomas and the return trip for a work convention.

39. How many foreign countries have you visited?

Canada, England, Scotland, France, Switzerland.

40. If you were out of shape, would you compete in a triathlon if you were somehow guaranteed to win a big, gaudy medal?

No. I’m not running anywhere, any time. And I can’t ride a bike that well. And, who the hell am I kidding? I used to fake a sprained ankle in grade school to get out of Field Day. Hell no, I wouldn’t compete in something like this.

41. Would you rather be rich and unhappy, or poor and happy?

Poor and happy.

42. If you fell into quicksand, would you try to swim or try to float?

Float.

44. Do you ask for directions when you are lost?

Yes. And it drives Stephen nuts. He’d rather be lost and call it an adventure.

45. Have you ever had a Mexican jumping bean?

No.

46. Are you more like Cinderella or Alice in Wonderland?

Alice, I guess. Though I’ve felt like Cinderella at times…both good and bad. I’ve had a wicked Step-Monster.

47. Would you rather have an ant farm with no ants or a box of crayons with broken points?

Crayons.

48. Do you prefer light or dark bread?

Um, well, I used to love eating date bread with cream cheese with my Gran, so I guess dark.

49. Do you prefer scrambled or fried eggs?

My mom’s scrambled eggs. I make them the same way and Stephen raves that they are the best eggs he’s ever had. He’s a smart one, that boy.

50. Have you ever been in a car that ran out of gas?

No.

51. Do you talk in your sleep?

God, yes. Constantly. I’ve woken myself up talking.

52. Would you rather shovel snow or mow the lawn?

Neither. That’s what the kids in my neighborhood are for. I’d rather pay one of the Hood Rats to do it and endear myself to them than do it myself.

53. Would you rather be bitten by a poisonous snake or constricted by a python?

Bitten, I guess. What a morbid question!

54. Have you ever played in the rain?

Yes. I’ve even sung in the rain and acted like a really bad impression of Gene Kelley. That’s what my parents get from filling me with musicals at an early age.

55. Which do you think is more dangerous: an angry bear or a hungry white shark?

Bear.

56. Would you climb a very high tree to save a kitten?

No. I’d call the animal warden, though.

57. Can you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator?

No. Unless it’s to say, “see you later, alligator,” or “after while, crocodile.” God, my parents made me SO lame.

58. Do you drink Pepsi or coke?

Regular Coke. Diet Pepsi. But I rarely drink either. I liked Fresca when I went to No Knowledge College. Now, it’s mostly water.

59. What’s your favorite number?

7 or 9

60. If you were a car, would you be an SUV or a sports car?

Neither. I have no idea what kind of car I’d be.

61. Have you ever accidentally taken something from a hotel?

No. But I always take the toiletries.

62. Would you blow your nose at the dinner table?

No.

63. Have you ever slipped in the bathtub?

Yes.

64. Do you use regular or deodorant soap?

Dove regular, usually.

65. Have you ever locked yourself out of the house?

Yes. When I lived in my first apartment, I was CONSTANTLY locking myself out. It got so bad that the officers in my unit kept lock picks in their cars to let me in my apartment!

66. Would you rather make your living as a singing cowboy or as one of the Simpsons voices?

Simpsons’ voices, I suppose

67. If you could invite any movie star to your home for dinner, who would it be?

Alan Cumming, J. Lo (shut UP!),

68. Have you ever gotten a truck driver to honk his horn?

Yes, a lot when we were kids on school buses. Most recently, on a girl’s trip to Charleston, South Carolina, all three of us got several drivers to honk! ;-)

69. Which would you rather live with: a huge nose or crossed eyes?

Huge nose.

70. Would you hang out with someone your best friend didn't like?

Yes. By the way, this scenario is making my wedding planning less than fun.

71. Would you hang out with someone your best friend liked, but you didn't like?

No. I’ve done this in the past and life is WAY too short to deal with this.

72. Have you ever returned a gift?

Oh yes.

73. Would you give someone else a gift that had been given to you?

Yes.

74. If you could attend an Olympic Event, what would it be?

Winter sports…I like ice dancing. And hockey.

75. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Not more than 8, I’m sure.

76. If your grandmother gave you a gift that you already have, would you tell her?

I miss my Gran desperately. I kept everything she ever gave me. Everything.

77. Do you sing in the car?

All the time.

78. Would you rather jump into a dumpster or into a vat of honey?

Honey.

79. What is your favorite breed of dog?

Miniature schnauzer

80. Would you donate money to feed starving animals in the winter?

Probably. But I’d be more apt to help out a family or child who needed help.

81. If you were a bicycle, would you be a stingray or a mountain bike?

A three-wheeler granny bike.

82. What is your least favorite fruit?

Melons, I guess. I really can’t stand honeydew, but can tolerate watermelon.

83. What kind of fruit have you never had?

Kumquat.

84. If you won a $5,000 shopping spree to any store, which store would you pick?

Right now it would be a toss up between Lane Bryant and Bed Bath and Beyond.

85. What brand sports apparel do you wear the most?

I don't.

86. Are/were you a good student?

Yes.

87. Among your friends, who could you arm wrestle and beat?

I've never thought about that. I'm not sure I could beat any of them.

88. If you had to choose, what branch of the military would you be in?

National Guard, they don’t seem to keep accurate records of their members (i.e. Bush the Lesser), so I’d join them and never show up!

89. Would you ever parachute out of a plane?

Hell no

90. What do you think is your best feature?

My eyes.

91. If you were to win a Grammy, what kind of music would it be for?

Spoken word

92. What is your favorite season?

Fall.

93. How many members do you have in your immediate family?

Two, three if you count Stephen

94. Which of the five senses is most important to you?

Seeing.

95. Would you be a more successful painter or singer?

Painter

97. How many years will/did you end up going to college?

This is such a touchy subject for me right now. I should have been done LONG before now. I just can’t seem to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. This week? I want to be an elementary school librarian.

98. Have you ever had surgery?

Yes.

99. Would you rather be a professional figure skater or professional football player?

Figure skater.

100. What do you like to collect?

I’m not really much of a collector. I’ve got tons of romance novels, but I wouldn’t call that a collection as much as a shameful confession.