I haven’t written about The Bad Ass Boy’s Home™ in a while. There are several reasons for the lack of an update, chief amongst them being my general apathy. The more I’ve thought about it, the way I feel about my job at the boy’s home is not apathy at all. It’s burn out. And I certainly didn’t think I’d succumb to it so quickly in social work.

I care too much. It’s a refrain I’ve heard all too often in my life. I allow myself to become emotionally involved and invariably I wind up devastated. Chris used to tell me constantly that I cared about people too much. He never could understand how I could open myself up so easily and then be so surprised when I was wounded. He was astounded that I kept opening myself up. Since the Awful Breakup™, I’ve been much less likely to do so. In fact, he taught me an invaluable lesson in wall building.

Somehow, the Bad Ass Boys got past the walls I erected to protect myself after Chris. Saggy Pants’ leaving was the most difficult thing I’ve dealt with since Chris ended our relationship. I felt stronger for having known and cared for this boy. I felt like I was actually making a difference. I felt like the fog that had enveloped me for two years had finally lifted with my employment at the Boy’s Home.

Little by little, however, I feel like all my passion for the job and for the welfare of these urchins has been sapped from me. I’ve been reprimanded several times since Saggy’s departure for "caring too much” about the boys. I backed off. I got reprimanded for “not being here mentally when you’re here.” I rededicated myself to my time with the fellas. I was told, “you talk to the boys too openly.”

I’ve given up. Aside from not having any time for myself, aside from never having time to spend with my family, my friends, with Stephen, aside from constantly feeling as if the other shoe is about to fall from the higher ups at The Bad Ass Boy’s Home™, I loved my job once upon a time.

However, I’ll be tendering my resignation next week. This is not easy. It hurts. It’s necessary. Like so many other endings I’ve endured.