Last night was my first night as a PAID youth worker at the Bad Ass Boy's Home ™. Let me just say now, for the record, that yes, I am fully aware that at some point or another, my heart will shatter into a million tiny pieces over these boys. Okay, with that out of the way, I can start.

I had adhered to my professor's request to not say anything to my fellow students about the job offer under threat of blood letting and a failing grade in his class. Being all squeamish about blood and not particularly wanting to see my GPA plummet, I kept my great, gaping pie hole shut for once. And then it went all to hell, due to the lovely sentiment of one of my co-workers.

Last night at dinner, House parent #3 or Sexy Wire Rim Boy, as I tend to think of him, offered me a hearty and hale "welcome aboard and to the family here at Bad Ass Boy's Home ™, Michelle!" Unfortunately, one of my classmates happened to be standing right beside me at the time. I had really hoped for a heretofore unknown sinkhole to open up beneath me at that very moment and save me the trauma that would surely ensue. I gave him the "I'm fucked" look and murmured, "Uh, thanks," while darting death rays at him, in the vain attempt to shut him the hell up. Thankfully, he's no dummy, him. And he piped down.

Luckily, my classmate is an understanding girl with whom I get along famously. She rather likes being in on the "secret" and wasn't bitter in the least. Small miracle, that.

After dinner (my god, the institution food...bah), the on site psychologist aka Extra Crunchy Granola Man gathered the boys together for a "meeting." My favorite comment of the night was from Junior Gangsta Wannabe Boy who said, "Fuck man, this CAN'T be good." When he announced my new status at the Bad Ass Boy's Home ™, there was an audible sigh of relief. I'm no fool, and I know the sigh was due less to the general happiness of me being there and more to the knowledge that no one was in trouble. However, throughout the rest of the evening, I got "yo, that's cool that you're gonna be here and shit," and "how late you staying tonight?" and "dude, you want to shoot hoops during rec?" I'm taking those to mean, "welcome to our lives" in fifteen year old boy speak.

During study hall, I worked with le petit Frechman on his homework. We completely bonded over Leonard Cohen and They Might Be Giants and his French vocab. He's a sweet kid who I enjoy spending time with. He's mature beyond his years and has been at the Home for nearly 4 years. The only trouble came when le petit Frenchie had to share study time with Saggy Pants (my god, it's getting tough coming up with names for the boys!).

Saggy craves attention and he's hilarious, so I like spending time with him. He's one of the duo of the famed, "Dude, I fucked your mom," "No, dude, I fucked YOUR mom" dinner conversation of 3 weeks ago that landed me this job. My comment to them both after five minutes was, "Dudes, I know that neither one of you are fucking anyone, so change the subject and eat dinner." Apparently, this was a big hit with the boys and the staff and here I am!

At any rate, Saggy was clamboring for attention and Frenchie is used to my undivided attention during Study Hall, so there were a few tense moments. However, I became a tennis ball, volleying back and forth between conjugating irregular French verbs and finding something, ANYTHING to keep Saggy busy (thank god for a newly purchased book of writing prompts). The evening was saved and neither boy felt left out. Jesus. Do I sound like a mom or what?!

After rec time where I learned some heartbreaking family stories, I retired to one of the cottages to spend the evening with Sexy Wire Rims and his two charges. These two boys, The Artiste and The Genuinely Good Boy (he's a doll!) were such fun for my first night! They gave me a tour of their house, which Sexy Wire Rims has decorated with the fervor of a dedicated minion of Martha Stewart. After that, they played a video game called Soul Blade (I think) for what seemed like four days. Aside from hilarious observations like, "Man, this character will kick you square in the nuts and then say, "I'm sorry!" and she's a GIRL!" and "Look at that! Sophitia is wearing blue panties!", I was bored with the whole video game thing. Sexy Wire Rims and I lamented the bygone days of Space Invaders and Asteroids, dating us to the Paleolithic period.

After video game eons, the boys were supposed to get ready for bed and I swear to Mike, the absolutely sweetest thing happened. They settled into the sofa next to SWR and he read bedtime stories to them. Remember, they are fifteen and "bad asses." They were interested and attentive and asked questions and laughed and were just the cutest things ever. After two stories (and by stories, I mean little kid stories), they bid me goodnight and sauntered off to bed.

Is it any wonder that I'm completely smitten with these boys and this job?