This is the first time in several years that I have not signed up for Holidailies. I always start out with the best of intentions and never seem to follow through. I decided not to sign up this year, but am going to try to update some this month to keep in the spirit of Holidailies. Of course, one of the reasons I seem to always fall flat on my face in updating is that I just can’t seem to come up with a bunch of happy, fa-la-la-la entries.

I have become Scrooge, before the night terrors and epiphanies.

I think a large part of my Bah! Humbug demeanor can be traced directly to my job. Aside from all the random bullshit that has been happening at the police department, I’ve been trying to get everything organized for the upcoming Shop With A Cop program. I’ve been running the program for 8 years now and with every year, it seems I lose a little bit more of my holiday cheer. I used to love finding the kids to help, pairing them up with an officer, planning the day of shopping and lunch at McDonald’s. I used to love going shopping with the officers and the kids. I used to love fund raising throughout the year to make sure we had plenty of money with which the kids can shop.

But every year, I am less and less enthused about the whole endeavor. Hearing, every day from November 1 until December 25 a variation of, “My kids aren’t going to have Christmas because of you, you fucking bitch!” tends to wear a person down, you know? I’m not allowed to give the response I want, which would be a variation of, “Screw you! How about you use the money you’re spending on cigarettes, dope and booze to buy your kids Christmas presents, you useless asshole?” Instead, I grit my teeth and say, “I’m sorry that you’re having a rough time. I know things are very hard right now. I have the numbers for several other agencies that might be able to help you during this holiday season. Would you like those numbers?”

And then I hang up the phone and try to refrain from either beating my head against my desk, bursting into tears, or eating the entire world’s supply of Reece Cup Christmas Trees. I’m not having much success with any of those, though, to be honest.

I'm going to try to update a lot this month. But, I can't promise shiny happy entries. I'll try my best, though.